Written by Andrew John Tucker, LCSW
Researched by Corina Evi Tucker y de la Huerta
According to the CDC, more than 7 million people struggling with Depression in The United States are parents.
There are few things more confusing for a son or daughter than noticing a change in a parent—a parent who once laughed more, showed up more, or seemed more emotionally present. When that shifts, we often don’t know what to call it. We just feel it. And what we feel is real.
Whether you are 15 or 51, you may have noticed that your parent doesn’t seem like themselves all the time. Maybe they’re quieter. Maybe they cry more, or get angry faster, or they present as sullen. Maybe it feels like they’re trying to fight their way through something—but it’s not working. You see them struggling, and you feel the impact of it. You might even feel angry. Or alone. Or like something is wrong with you.
What’s often happening behind the scenes is this: your parent is struggling, yes—but they’re also judging themselves harshly for it. They may be thinking things like, “I should be stronger,” or, “I’m failing my family.” That shame can be paralyzing. And it can make it even harder for them to connect or explain what’s going on.
You might also find yourself growing closer to your other parent or other family members or loved ones —the one’s who feel more emotionally present, who feel more relatable. That makes sense. It’s completely natural to seek comfort and consistency where you find it. You are not doing anything wrong by feeling more connected to the parent who is available. You’re doing what all people do—moving toward warmth and reliability.
So the silence grows. And with it, confusion.
If they could snap their fingers and feel better for you, they would. That’s how much they care.
But depression doesn’t work that way. It takes time. It takes help. And often, it’s the love for a child—even when it’s hard to show—that motivates a parent to start the path toward healing.
But here’s the truth: Your parent’s depression is not your fault. And despite all the intentions and love, this is an inside job – and it’s not your job to fix it.
This guide is here to help you understand what depression is, what it isn’t, and how you can take care of your own heart while your parent works on theirs. You don’t have to carry this alone. And you’re not invisible.
🧠 What Children of Parents with Depression Might Consider
- Depression is not caused by anything you did or didn’t do.
It’s an illness—like asthma or diabetes. It changes how people think, feel, and even move. - Parents with depression still love their kids.
Even if they seem distant, tired, irritable, or numb—the love is still there, underneath the fog. Depression can block it from coming through clearly, but it doesn’t erase it. - You don’t have to carry it alone.
Talking to a school counselor, therapist, trusted adult, or even writing it down in a journal can help you feel less invisible and more heard.
🛠️ Ways for Children to Cope When a Parent Has Depression
- Name what you’re feeling.
Confused? Angry? Sad? Giving language to your experience can help it feel less overwhelming. - Keep a “truth list.”
Write down reminders like:- “I didn’t cause this.”
- “I deserve support, even when things are hard.”
- “My parent’s bad day is not a reflection of me.”
- “I believe my parent loves me a lot.”
- Do small things that bring comfort.
Listen to music. Get outside. Call a friend. Watch something funny. Small joys matter. - Set boundaries if needed.
If your parent’s depression comes with emotional outbursts, criticism, or withdrawal—it’s okay to say, “I need space,” or seek comfort elsewhere. - Ask for help—and keep asking.
Whether it’s from a teacher, relative, or counselor, keep reaching out until someone really hears you.
Most importantly, this isn’t just about surviving a hard chapter — it’s about remembering the deep bond that often lives beneath it. Even if things feel distant or strained right now, your parent’s love for you hasn’t disappeared; it’s simply harder for them to access through the fog of depression.
This may also be an opportunity — a chance to better understand each other. To name what’s been hard. To discover that strength isn’t always about having the answers, but sometimes about simply staying present with what’s real. This can serve as a learning moment for everyone.
You and your parent have a shared history, filled with moments of connection that matter. That history still lives in both of you. And while depression may disrupt the flow of love, it doesn’t erase it. Growth as a human can be challenging sometimes, so we commit to learning from it for ourselves, and ultimately together.
